Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Eternally Unspoken

When I asked readers for some writing prompts, I asked for questions that would get me to open up more, personally.

Actually, since I can't afford therapy, I'm using all of you to get my brain sorted out and to rethink things I have left on the back burner over the years.

I have printed out the questions left in comments and sent to me in e-mails. There are some really good ones. Mrs. G. your question really has me thinking and I will answer it.

The thing is, I don't want to answer with the obvious, text book answer. That's side stepping and holding back ... I already know how to do that. Unfortunately, I do it a lot.

Deb on the Rocks asked: "What would you do if you could get away with it?"

I'd love to pull off a caper. Something like "The Thomas Crown Affair" or "Oceans Eleven" (or 12 or13) .

I'd love to win one of the mega lotto's and share it with my friends and family. Side note: I have a list of people all ready so when I do win, I don't have to think about who I'd share it with. That's the truth ... wishful thinking, eh?

But to keep it personal, and real, and answer as if I was paying some shrink $150.00 an hour to doodle on a pad of paper while I pour my heart out, I think my answer would go something like this.

I would want corrected /set the record straight on two things that have happened in my life. Two things I have kept to myself for a very long time. Two things that I could correct, but I won't, because in doing so, the fallout would be so damaging to other people that it isn't worth it. So I sit between a rock and a hard spot, and will continue to do so until the day I die. I've accepted that it's better I continue to leave it be rather than bring anyone down just to make it right.

Sometimes we just have to suck it up in life and have peace within our own heart and mind and accept it as just that. Sometimes knowledge isn't powerful, sometimes it's destructive.


Karin said...

I once read a theory that when faced with a decision, the option that is the most difficult is also the correct one. Sounds like you're following that guideline by keeping something painful to yourself in order to spare others the same (or worse?) pain. That's admirable.

AS far as a "caper" goes, you'd be great! You always had a knack for looking at all sides of something and coming up with ingenious plans. As I recall, we never had the nerve to act on them, but it sure was fun to scheme.

Lday Jaye said...

Knowledge can be very destructive. I learned a few years ago that it is far better to keep some things to yourself because revealing them for your own sake will just cause more pain to the person you're telling. There are many things I'd like to be honest with my parents about but telling them would kill them and I couldn't do that.

Michael said...

To your point, I completely agree that the truth can be too destructive.

However, what really intrigues me is what made you make those two decisions in the first place (and did you think that it wouldn't eat at you in the long run)?

How's that for some free therapy?


Michael said...

And while I'm thinking about it...

The thing about having skeletons in the closet is that they're usually not buried as deep as we think they are. Are you prepared to handle the consequences if these situations ever come to light?

Wow, I don't know where these profound thoughts keep coming from, but once in a while I'm good for more than taking up space, he he. I'll send you my bill :o)

Nancy said...

Karin: But we DID have some that were fun!

LJ: Indeed, save from hurting your parents =)

Michael: The decisions were made for me ... damned if I do , damned if I don't. They don't eat me up because I know they don't have to come to light. I'm okay with it. They just hang out in the dark, lol

Robin said...

"Sometimes knowledge isn't powerful, sometimes it's destructive."

And sometimes the mark of true compassion and generosity of spirit is in knowing the difference.

I wish you peace my friend.

Sunshine said...

It's hard to pick and choose, those things that have damaged us and knowing they would hurt others, especially people you would never want to hurt.

The hard part is making the choice and sometimes it is just a losing battle. And to accept it and move on in as healthy a way as possible.

This is the part where I start quoting the Serenity Prayer. :)

Deb on the Rocks said...

It is so wise to consider the ramifications, but it would be nice to be able to set things right.

I'm down with the caper. Totally in. I get to share a room with George Clooney, right?

Mary Alice said...

Things have a way of coming out at some point anyway...even if you don't set the ball in patient, it all comes around eventually.

sgk213 said...

I believe the truth is always better. Sometimes what one thinks is a secret stored away forever really isn't. Everyone makes mistakes in life. Owning up to them takes courage.

Nancy said...

Mary Alice: Yeah, I used to think and hope the truth would be spoken, but it's been so long now, I don't think they'll ever admit it.

Bruce said...

This sort of creates more questions than it answers.

Ree said...

So, have you read "The Lovely Bones"?

If you haven't - you need to. ;-)

Nancy said...

Ree: Yes! I read it, ... great book and isn't it coming out soon in a movie?

Bruce: I understand, but I am not the one that can correct it, I only can rip the scab off it. There's where I decided it wasn't worth it.

Maybe I should have gone for the caper after all, LOL