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Friday, April 18, 2008

Moanin' Missives

Dear guy behind me at the light,

I know we can turn "right on red". I hear you blowing your horn as you wave your arms in the air, pointing at the clear traffic and motioning me to turn right. Did it ever occur to you I am going straight? Just because you are turning right, doesn't mean I am.

Please don't give me your dirty look when I just smile and wave back. It takes a lot for me not to just hop out and get all up in your face.

Buckle up,
Nancy


Dear co-worker that I have written so much about,

You are a grown man. Why do you talk baby talk on the phone ... to suppliers? Why did you just call and say in a sing-song whiny voice "Hi Mikie, can you get *this part* delivered out here today, pwetty pweese. You can? Thanks hon-neee."

It makes me want to slap you upside your head McFly!

Professionally speaking,
Nancy


Dear lady in front of me at the check out,

You have over $100 in groceries, 80% of them being crap, junk-food, and frozen dinners. Why do you have to argue with the cashier over a .25 frickin cent coupon? Don't you see the 5 of us lined up behind you? When I handed you a dollar and said "here, this more than covers your coupon," why did you give me a dirty look? It broke the frustration in line and clearly showed you how stupid you looked and sounded.

If you need to pinch pennies, rethink those Hostess Ding-Dongs and multi-pack cans of Pringles. Your butt and your wallet could do without them.

Organically yours,
Nancy

18 comments:

TX Poppet said...

Fabulous! I am particularly fond of the guy behind you who thinks he can see what's in front of your car better than you can, like the frantic guy trying to get me to plow over small child on a bicycle that I hope was not in his field of vision.

Joan said...

I'll add to the grocery store and it usually is a woman: Lady, why do you wait until all the groceries are rung up to start searching for your dang checkbook?
Who writes a check anyway?

That was fun!

Mrs. G. said...

I would like a video of you getting "all up" in that driver's face. I would also like you to write a letter to the ass in my neighborhood who gets ticked when I stop at STOP signs.

Sunshine said...

The savings she's earning with the coupons will help finance the quadruple bypass she's gearing up for with all the crappy food.

It makes perfect sense!!

Lys said...

Oh my lord - this was hilar this morning!!!

Mary Alice said...

Wouldn't it be great if one day we could just stop self editing....say what we really thought AND not get in a fist fight over it!

San said...

Do you need some of my "happy" pills this week? LOL

Carrie Sue said...

Don't hold back Nancy! "Organically speaking" lol!

Candy said...

I hate to admit, I've probably been all three of those people at one time or another in my life. I'm so ashamed.

Gnightgirl said...

Oh, God, ya killin me! Give 'em hell! I wish you'd been with me and Mom at Walmart a few weeks ago, when a lady in front of us insisted searching through the sale ads they clip to the counter, so they can price-match. For. Every. Single. Item. To check to see if things *might* be cheaper elsewhere, and insist on the lower price.

Your venting put a big smile on my face this afternoon!

Beth said...

dang girl!!! remind me not to ever get on your bad side! ;)

Michael said...

Do you still qualify for "Y Hate"? LOL

delmer said...

I love the part where you gave the coupon-arguing gal a dollar.

The other day I went to buy two one-liter bottles of Diet Coke for $2.50 (as they were marked). They rang up for $3.20-something. Rather than comment on it, I made note of the line behind me and of the fact I didn't really need calorie-free colored water and paid the $3.20. I couldn't see arguing over 70 cents when I could have saved more by not getting pop at all.

Gnightgirl said...

I forwarded this post to one of my girlfriends; it made her day too.

You've been tagged.

http://gnightgirl.blogspot.com/2008/04/six-word-memoir.html

linda in c-town said...

This was way too funny! I've been in similar situtations and wanted to pound someone. I'll bet the guy behind you wasn't using that nifty thing called a turn signal. He certainly wasn't paying attention to see that you didn't have yours on.

Thank you for my daily lol

Betty said...

Hah! The same turn on red thing happened to me a couple days ago!

And believe it or not, the grocery checkout thing happened to me yesterday. Since I was unable to determine exactly what the customer's grievance was, I finally gathered all my purchases and hauled them to another line. She was buying nothing but packages of cookies- the kind with trans fats! And the amount of time wasted was staggering!!!!! Couldn't she just have given up one of the cookie packages!!??

Auuuggghhh!

Hugs,
Betty

Sherry/Cherie said...

LMAO!!! I wanna go places with you -- I love how quickly you think!!!

I'm with you on the baby talk -- makes me gag!!!!

Jen M. said...

Organically yours...heh.

This was a good one.