Sunday, April 27, 2008

Per Esquire Magazine ...

Things a man should never do after the age of thirty:

1. Use the word party as a verb.

2. Shots.

3. Body shots.

4. Jell-O shots. Especially Jell-O shots.

5. Read a book with the words Zen and The Art of in the title.

6. Do impressions of Austin Powers characters, especially Dr. Evil.

7. Help friends move.

8. Ask friends to help you move.

9. Crash on a friend's floor or couch.

10. Refer to breasts as "chesticles."

11. Experiment with facial hair.

12. Let your underpants show above your jeans or below your shorts.

13. Apply paint to your face for any reason at all.

14. Own beer-drinking paraphernalia.

15. Own a skull bong.

16. Know the names of the current Real World cast.

17. Remove your shirt in public--unless there is sand and a large body of water nearby.

18. Use the word dude, except when referring to a ranch or a well-dressed Englishman.

19. Use the word dawg in a sentence when referring to a friend or, worse, yourself.

20. Own a futon.

21. Own a beanbag chair.

22. Hang art framelessly.

23. Hang tapestries.

24. Drink malternative beverages.

25. Don a puka-bead necklace.

26. Google ex-girlfriends.

27. Break up with a girlfriend by e-mail.

28. Engage in pranks involving airborne food.

29. Own a Lava lamp.

30. Pool hop.

31. Live with someone you don't sleep with.

32. Share a hotel room with someone you don't sleep with.

33. Play fantasy sports.

34. Divide a restaurant bill with a friend in any way other than 50-50.

35. Sleep past 10:30.

36. Refer to a woman's genitalia as her "nappy dugout."

37. Cook exclusively on a George Foreman grill.

38. Wear a jersey with the name of a professional athlete on the back.

39. Employ any other pickup line besides "Hi, my name is _____. What's yours?"

40. Listen to Pink Floyd.

41. Use Internet acronyms, especially ROFL and LOL.

42. Shave any part of your body except your face.

43. Enjoy Jerry Bruckheimer movies.

44. Run with the bulls in Pamplona.

45. Attend Mardi Gras, Carnaval, or Burning Man.

46. Own a fish tank.

47. Fall asleep in public.

48. Call drugs by their street names (e.g., junk, smack, or whitebag).

49. Pick a fistfight by thrusting out your neck, flexing, and screaming, "It's go time!"

*** I decided to add one of my own thoughts***

50. Program sound bites or goofy songs as a ringtone in your cell phone.

I don't agree with everything on this list. It would make for a pretty boring guy, but there are a lot that I totally agree with. * photo g00gled, and actually a 12 man beer bong seems quite ingenious for a tailgate party.


Anonymous said...

As a Man and over the age of 30, I tend to agree with most of the 49 items on this list. There are only 3 on the list I do or have: I do the occasional To-Kill-Ya shots when out having fun, I never change the channel when Pink Floyd comes on the radio (Wish you were Here is on of my favorites), and I do own a Futon that is situated in the fourth bedroom for the person who has one too many shots while having too good of a time. That room is even close enough to the bar where we don't have to carry them up or down any stairs. Now that I know it is on the list, I better go out and purchase a real bed.

Mr B

Michael said...

An unpleasant reminder that 30 is fast approaching :)

Ree said...

Nappy dugout???? Ewww.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

#10 made me laugh out loud! Can I use the term as it might just be my new favorite word? :)

Joan said...

Hmmm, I did jello shots last summer during a girls weekend. I agree with the majority. I disagree with Pink Floyd - great music for night time and I think fish are cool.