Dooce built her empire (sorta) on the topic of constipation.
When my niece, FanneeDoolee, started blogging, she said she wasn't going to write about poop. I laughed and said since she has two small children, she certainly will have some poopy posts.
My nephew Michael started blogging and since he has no children, imagine my surprise when I read a few of his posts about poop!
I never thought I would blog about any bodily functions. If dog poop doesn't count, I have stuck to my original thought ... until now.
For the ones that know me, I mean really.know.me. know that I could be nicknamed Countess of Constipation.
I am talking days, more than a week of days, like after about 10 days is when I begin to think something better give.
Since I have been on my diet, I have been in my Countess mode. Unfortunately I have not been on the throne for about 10 days.
*Here's where the light bulb goes on in my brain.
From past experience, nothing, I mean NOTHING works. Saturday I called my sister and asked her what that "stuff" was she took the night before her colonoscopy.
I went to Walgreen's and got a bottle of magnesium citrate, lemon/lime flavor. I am so used to being constipated, I forgot to take it that night.
I read the directions Sunday and it said it could start working 30 minutes to 6 hours after drinking. Well, there's a small window ... NOT. I decided I better wait until Sunday night, when I am in the house for the night. Right before bed I had my magnesium nightcap and chased it with 2 bottles of water and went to bed. When I woke up, I was disappointed, nothing, I didn't have any inclination to hold court in my bathroom.
Oh.My.Goodness. I wasn't up 15 minutes and this deep sense of urgency came over me. I was thrilled, it worked perfectly and early enough in the day that I could enjoy the sunshine. I haven't felt as, ahem, empty as I did right then until ...
Less than five minutes later. The pump had been primed. I sat there thinking my whole insides were being sucked out of me with a vacuum. After the initial shock, once again, I was pleased and justified it by thinking that what? ... We have 30 feet of intestines in there? OK, so that all made sense. But I was glad it was over... or so I thought.
Dare I go on? Well I did ... and on, and on and all frickin day long. Can I just say it worked?!
Right from the bottle it says:
"Do not use magnesium citrate as a laxative; if your constipation is a continuing problem, contact your health care provider".
I guess they know what they are talking about.