Thursday, April 23, 2009

Shallow Seeks Same

When I first saw this local "news" story, I thought it must be a slow day for them to even feature this. They even ran ads for this story, "coming at 6PM yadda yadda yadda."

Then San sent me a link to the story that included the qualifications, instructions and the application ... oh and the application fee. FEE. Then I saw it made Fox news and was copied to Yahoo news. Bwahahahahaha

[Okay, back to keeping a straight face here]

So locally, (less than 10 minutes from my 'hood) Mr. single, 44 years old, drives an American made car, wanting a family, I AM A MILLIONAIRE, has hired matchmaker Janis Spindel to find his little woman. (That's the only info revealed about Mr. Wonderful)

Let me step aside for one second with these bits. He's paying her a "finders fee" of $50K to start, could be more if it takes longer. She's charging $25 bucks to the applicant, just to be considered. Do you see where I'm going ... mm-hum, yes you do so I'll stop with that whole scheme train of thought.

Now, Mr. Birmingham Man, (Birmingham is quite a snobby, snoody, uppity city) I'll save you the $50K and lay it out in laymen's terms.

You state the four B's are a must : Beauty, Brains, Body, and Balance.

You are marketing yourself as a millionaire, so you are in fact, BUYING your four B's. Mouthing off about your $$$ is a big neon sign asking all wallet trollers to line up and pick a number.

I surmise, you too, must have the four B's qualities:

Bad-looking, Boring, Brainless and most likely BROKE.

Save your $50K, hit up the well known local pick-up joints establishments, flash a few of your charge cards around and they'll line up like flies on shit. Oops, such an analogy.


Thomas said...

I had nowhere to go with this, until I went to Ms. Spidel's website.

Ms. Spindel got swindeled by her photographer, Mr. Lerner. Certainly a professional photographer could get a less grainy shot.

And OMG, that hair! Girl, you got too much of all that going on, on the right side of your (left looking at photo).

And Jesus, a little more blush please!! I like women that look like they have beets for cheeks.

oooh and ugh, that upper lip! Take some of that botox from your eyebrows and give the lip a pout.

But yeah, make-up can do wonders for a nose. Nice schnoze.

Oh dear - my meds do need adjusting. Well wait? %50k, could really take care of most of that couldn't it? Yes, Thomas, but you meds do need adjustment.


*me, not you*

zelzee said...

So Mr. Millionaire needs a matchmaker?

I am sure he's looking for someone that wants him for himself.......not his money, right?

Mrs. G. said...

$50,000? Oh brother. Sad.

Michael said...

But think of all the blog fodder you'd have if you registered?!? I say go for it!

San said...

What? Does this mean you're not applying? ~smirk~

Linda and her Twaddle said...

Ms Spindel should sack her hairdresser.

$50K to get someone to find your "soul mate". Imagine the first nightly encounter (assuming all tests were passed). How clinical.

The word Wanker applies here.

Me, You, or Ellie said...

LOL. Love the 4 Bs. And I love the banner!


Michael said...

LOL...I think Rachel is applying!

Sugarplum's Mom said...

I want to know the statistics on how many of these millionaire matches are still together a year later.. because, if a dude can not find a gold digger on his own with that much money, something is just wrong.

Bruce said...

I have often wondered if there were such high end match makers still in business, for those loenly folks that are just too busy making wads of cash to find a 'quality' life mate. How sad.....