Monday, January 4, 2010
From birth until around age 20 ... I was clueless.
From 20 until 40 ... it was the day to day trials, tribulations, peaks, valleys, questions, some answers, and just finding my way through life.
From 40 until now (54) ... it's been an ever growing level of awareness. Aware of how and when I f'd up. Forehead slappin' of shuda's woulda's coulda's. Also an awareness of direction, discoveries, and realities.
My paternal grandmother lived just short of 104.
Maternal ... around 94.
I'll split the difference and figure I have about 45 years ahead of me ... on a good day.
Given the above breakdown, I DO have a chance for do-overs ... sort of.
I can't raise my children differently. I can't right all my wrong turns, only make U's. (or Michigan turns for those living here)
But, I can rethink, regroup, plot, plan, fly by the seat of my pants, and go with a new flow.
Recently, I bought a new T-shirt that says "simplify". I'm in.
From this day forward, as long as my health tips the scales in my favor, my direction is to live. Live each day as if it were my last.
Although my house hasn't sold yet, before next fall, I will lease it out. In the mean time, I hope to liquidate all the "things" I've accumulated that I just had to have. I want to get out and see anything and everything I can. I want to live a "Bucket List" without actually having one.
In these first "dressed rehearsal" years, I've done many "things" that got me through day to day existence. Next, I want to do the things that leave me with a smile and a sense of awe each night before I fall asleep.
Liquidate, organize, start a plan, begin the first days of the last days of my life.
Anyone want to buy my toaster oven?