"Live Like You'll Die Tomorrow, But Dream Like You'll Live Forever"

(Cabo Mexico 12.2009)

From birth until around age 20 ... I was clueless.

From 20 until 40 ... it was the day to day trials, tribulations, peaks, valleys, questions, some answers, and just finding my way through life.

From 40 until now (54) ... it's been an ever growing level of awareness. Aware of how and when I f'd up. Forehead slappin' of shuda's woulda's coulda's. Also an awareness of direction, discoveries, and realities.

My paternal grandmother lived just short of 104.
Maternal ... around 94.

I'll split the difference and figure I have about 45 years ahead of me ... on a good day.

Given the above breakdown, I DO have a chance for do-overs ... sort of.

I can't raise my children differently. I can't right all my wrong turns, only make U's. (or Michigan turns for those living here)

But, I can rethink, regroup, plot, plan, fly by the seat of my pants, and go with a new flow.

Recently, I bought a new T-shirt that says "simplify". I'm in.

From this day forward, as long as my health tips the scales in my favor, my direction is to live. Live each day as if it were my last.

Although my house hasn't sold yet, before next fall, I will lease it out. In the mean time, I hope to liquidate all the "things" I've accumulated that I just had to have. I want to get out and see anything and everything I can. I want to live a "Bucket List" without actually having one.

In these first "dressed rehearsal" years, I've done many "things" that got me through day to day existence. Next, I want to do the things that leave me with a smile and a sense of awe each night before I fall asleep.

Liquidate, organize, start a plan, begin the first days of the last days of my life.

Anyone want to buy my toaster oven?

Marie? What's up with you lately?

I realize I have put Marie Millard on the back burner. Way back, to the one that doesn't even have a pilot light that works. One that has a tarnished old tea kettle sitting on it collecting dust.

I could use the excuse that I have been concentrating on another site I have been working on. It's finally in the web designers hands. The domain name is secured and thanks to The Hotfessional, I have a great guy in O'Canada that will be hosting the site. More to come, when there's more to come.

Good things happening:

Spring isthisclose to being here.
I went to the doctor and weigh less than I have in 10 years.
I still have a job, a house, and for the most part no debt. (damn hospital bill)
I have my ticket to (sold out) BlogHer 2009 in Chick-ca-go & awesome Ree is my partner in crime roommate.


But Marie? WTF is up with her? Isn't this supposed to be a place to spill what ever I choose? Why do I censor? Since when have I really cared what others think? (unless, of course, I value their opinion)

If I wrote from the heart, I'd end up pissing off some people, but not really wanting to. I'd have a couple people nodding yes, smirking, and giving the two thumbs up. I can be sure of those that would just shake their head thinking I've lost it.

But there are a few that have always accepted me as is, duct taped together, in places that don't always show, with my velvet covered thorns and my slightly scarred heart.

For now, I'll just keep to the dreams I pretend will come true.

Calibrating Myself

I've always approached things with drive and determination.

If I believe in something, I give 1000%.

I deny myself submitting to my own weakness, and cowl at showing it.

I look for the good in a bad situation and give the benefit of doubt where there is uncertainty.

I don't seek out conflict, yet I won't run when faced with it.

I don't do well with roadblocks that I have no control over, but I do figure out a way around them.

I believe in intuition, perception, and deep-in-my-gut feelings.

All of the above have brought me to calibrating my direction.

In the past, it's worked for me, and against me.



"To move ahead you need to believe in yourself, have conviction in your beliefs and the confidence to execute those beliefs."
~Adlin Sinclair



I feel the ground beneath me shifting.

One Day, 24 Hours

I have asked this question to two different people, men to be exact, in the past 10 years. Their answers spoke volumes. Too bad I had the speakers turned down. [smirk]

Anyway, it isn't one to answer quickly. Think and ponder on it. If you want, post your answer on your blog and link back to this post. Or, leave it in comments. I'm curious to hear your answer.

Nobody has ever matched my answer albeit, my answer is outside the box. I'll tell you mine tomorrow. If you post your answer, I'll add your link to my answer.

If you had one day, 24 hours to do anything you wanted, use your imagination, anything ... by yourself, for yourself, only you and you alone.
Nobody would ever know what you did.
Nobody would ever see how you spent those 24 hours.
This is time just for you, alone.
What would you do that would make you smile and go "ah-hhhhh" just before your head hit the pillow in the last minute of those 24 hours?

Four Questions

A friend of mine sent me a link in an e-mail. E-mail tests, you know, the kind we all smirk at and hit delete. Even though our wish won't come true because it's now in the recycle bin. The kind you have to pass on to your sister and her neighbor, and his brother's mother-in-law's pastor's housekeeper? Yeah, that kind of test.

I clicked on the link.

Maybe it was the music.

Maybe it was just my late night mood.

Maybe because it was packaged as the Dalai Lama's wisdom.

I answered truthful and with the first thought that came to mind.

I admit, I was amazed at the way my answers played out.

There are only 4 questions but the results are very interesting.
Be honest and honor what pops into your mind when the questions present themselves.

Answer These Four Questions

If you do this, please leave a comment. You don't have to reveal your answers, just how you think it related to you. You'll need a paper and pen. I saved mine to post here later. I'll be saving them anyway.

Just Thinking Out Loud

You're driving home in your two-seater sports car.

It's getting dark, the wind is whipping and the rain is falling hard. Almost sleet.

As you stop for the red light, you glance over at three people huddled together, freezing at the bus stop.

There is your best friend looking at you with thanks that you are caught at that light, at that very moment.

The old woman standing next to your friend is fragile and has a look of fear on her face.

The third person, a complete stranger. One look and your heart races. You think, so this is what love at first sight is.

The light turns green. What do you do? You only have one other seat in your car.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

*
*
*
*
*
*
I'd toss the keys to my best friend and ask her to drive the older woman to her home, then continue on home herself. I'd stand at the bus stop with the stranger and hope that fate wins.

Sonia is a Starfish Thrower

I wasn't going to post today, until I read Sonia's post "Homework Assignment for Peace" this morning.


I can relate to exactly what she is saying because I, like many of us, wonder just how one person can really make a difference. I usually stop at that thought because even though most of us, as individuals, would like to do something visually significant, we can only do little bits in our day to day lives. But isn't living in a day to day mode of doing what we can a symbol in itself? An example to our children? To our community and so forth? It starts the ball rolling.

Sonia said "But I'm just one little person. Just one." And to that I say Sonia, you have posted what "one little person" thinks, but it inspired me to post my hopes and thoughts also. I am going to make sure I smile today at five people that probably don't deserve a smile, but then again, maybe they are the five that really need it the most. I thank you for that challenge.

Look at what Lori did as "one little person." Another example of a thought, passed on through her blogging that inspired more to join in and make a difference.

This is to remind all of us, we as one can make a difference:

The Star Fish Story

by Loren Eiseley (1907 - 1977)

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

You Know The Sound, Can You Name The Band?

This band of musicians had more number one hits than Elvis, The Beach Boys, The Beatles and The Rolling Stones combined.

They were the band for Smokey Robinson and the Miracles. Diana Ross & The Supremes. The Temptations. Marvin Gaye's. Martha Reeves & The Vandellas, even young Stevie Wonder's band.

The early recording artists at Motown all had the same band. A band of session musicians hand picked by Berry Gordy from the jazz clubs and hole in the wall bars of Detroit. They were musicians, employed at Hitsville USA.

Not many can answer the question.

Until the 2002 documentary came out, finally acknowledging these great musicians behind the original "Motown Sound", I'll bet it would be hard to find anyone who could name just one member.

Joe Hunter, Earl Van Dyke, Eddie "Bongo" Brown, Jack Ashford, Richard "Pistol" Allen, William "Benny" Benjamin, Robert White, Joe Messina, Eddie Willis, James Jamerson and Jack Brokensha were origional members.

These musicians never got the fame and notoriety that came out of Detroit with the hits they helped make. Their pay was for session work, no royalties. In the early 70's, when Berry Gordy moved Motown to LA, they weren't part of the move. They were replaced with members of The Wrecking Crew, LA's collection of studio musicians.

My cousin by marriage, was one of just a few white guys that was employed by Berry Gordy. I remember him talking about this new "girl" group that was going to be big, really big. Indeed, Diana Ross and The Supremes did leave their mark.

I started to research what these guys did with the years that followed, but decided to leave it out. Most didn't have the happily ever after ending, or have passed away.

The name of the band?

The Funk Brothers

"Click It or Ticket"

The national "Click It or Ticket" campaign began May 21st and runs through June 3rd.

Exhibit A ~ G Dubya ~


I realize the importance to run this safety awareness program. The sheriff department in the county I live and work, takes this very serious.

I know it is their intention to bring revenue awareness to our community.

The mile stretch in front of the building I work at is a favored place for our local men in brown to play work for this week.

They have it all figured out. With the trees and hills and driveways going into businesses down this mile, they have places to hide four or five patrol cars. During the morning rush, the mad lunch hour dash, and the get me home 5PM hour ... their tag, gotcha' game is in full force.

They have a car on each end of the mile, and radio to the ones in between and they pull these people over two and three at a time. $$Cha-ching$$

I am a believer in seat belts, but I admit, there have been times I have taken off and if it weren't for the obnoxious warning bell going off, I would have probably found myself offering up Dunkin-Donut gift certificates for a pardon on an oversight.

Where Are The Hugs?

I got this in an e-mail from a friend today.
I had seen it the "first time around" ... and even passed it on in e-mails.



It has millions of hits on YouTube. This man was flown in to be on Oprah and the late night shows. Probably because it was so "popular" on the net at the time.

The feel good of this video went around the world. They were making their own versions in Japan, the United States, Europe, and Canada as well as other countries. If you look on YouTube, you can view many from around the world.

But the sad part is most watched it, "felt the love", passed it on to friends, though it was "cool", but maybe missed the point? We all jump on the band wagon of what ever is going on in the news, on the internet, or the gossip of the moment ... talk about it and take it all in, myself included. Most of the things we give more attention to are not the "feel good" things, but things we disapprove of. They seem to sidetrack us from simpler, yet more powerful ways that can make differences, that matter.

I wish more hugs, compassion, caring for our neighbors and our world would be the "in thing" for the majority of us. Here's a hug for you from me today.

No Worries Here (ya, right)

When I first started this blog, I decided it wouldn't be a "bitch about my kids, work, life" type blog.

And I am not going to bitch ... but ... the thing that worries me is that I have the following going on in my life and I am not feeling worried or panicky or stressed.

1) My house balloon note is due this September. When I bought it, I had every intention of selling this summer because I would have an empty nest. Well, it's MICHIGAN, poor real estate market and I haven't had one call on my house yet. I probably will have to refi , grrrr, fees and higher rate will mean higher monthly payment.

2) My auto lease is up June 10th. I have no idea what to get. I have had Explorers for the last 5 leases, but with gas prices and the actual lease payment, I need to scale down to something cheap ... cheap as in a dorky little makes-me-feel-unsafe car.

3) My job of 21 years may be headed to an end. It is in the auto industry, again, MICHIGAN, ugh... and there is a good chance I won't have a job by the end of the year.

4) Love life? Bwa-haaaa-haaaaa What's that?

5) Health insurance ... it appears we all will soon be covering our own premiums at work ... if we want insurance. At $1,053.00 a month, I think I may soon be without.

Maybe it's because I am losing weight that I am not freaking out about my future. Or maybe I am losing weight because of it all. Either way, I'll take the weight loss as the one good thing that is happening!

Pizza, Beer, and Jesus

I was recently having an argument discussion with a friend of mine. Some of my points of view on life have changed since I started going to Kensington Church. Although he had a different point of view, I related my feelings to parallel something that had been the topic of a recent service.


It was his final "come back" that made me laugh.

He said to me ...
"If you expect perfection, you should date Jesus".

Wow, just what kind of date would that be?

We could start with conversation over a glass of water wine. Then we could go for a walk on the beach water and stay to watch the sunset.

I wouldn't wonder if he likes me, I already know he does. I could openly talk about my regrets, fears, and hopes with ease. He understands exactly how I am feeling, no male communication problem there.

There would certainly be lots of laughter, he knows and appreciates my sense of humor. He has seen it in action, sometimes with embarrassment and pleas prayers to "help get me out of this one".

I think the best part is that with all my flaws and failures, it's my potential and effort that he acknowledges rather than to point out my weaknesses.

Truth is, I have a date with him everyday.

Poll: Men and Bathrooms

On my personal info list, I admitted to being a germ-o-phobe. Of the many things that my cootie radar zeros in on, hand washing, after using the restroom, is a biggie.

I work with all men. There is a restroom in the back of the shop that they use, I won't go near it. There is a unisex restroom in the front office area that I use, but unfortunately, the two men in the front office use it too. Yes, even Jack. It is also the restroom that we have to allow general public, salesmen, and reps. to use, yuck.

The restroom wall is shared by my office wall, and is so close, I can hear water running. Thank God I can't hear bodily functions.

I am not sure why, but most men do not wash their hands after taking a pee. I hear the flush, no water running, then the door opens, not enough time to wash has passed. Since men hold their dick to pee, you'd think they'd want clean hands even before they handle their jewels.

I wash my hands before and after I pee. Think of where your hands have been in a work environment ... keyboards, phones, pens, paperwork ... all used by others. No way will my OCD allow me to use my hands for clean up duty without washing them before I pee and of course after.

*Side note ... I can't use toilet paper either. I have to use wet wipes. Don't laugh, I am not the only one that thinks like that. Gnightgirl son agrees, I can't find her post, but he stated using toilet paper vs wet wipes is like cleaning up pet poop from the carpet with paper rather than water and a cloth. You wouldn't just clean it up with paper, right?

Then, after I wash my hands, I have to use the paper towel to open the restroom door because all I envision is the last man turning that door knob with his unwashed hand that just held his dick to pee.

I don't need you to tell me I am a kook about my restroom habits, but I would like to know if you are a guy, do you wash or not after peeing? How about before peeing? Do you women notice this too with your coworkers or the men in your household?

Moms and Dads, please teach your boys that before and after washing is a good thing!

Paraskavedekatriaphobia

I am not superstitious.

I don't think lucky charms are the answer to winning at bingo or in casinos. I am positive Aunt Trina and Grandma Bridget would have totally disagreed.

I had a beautiful solid black cat years ago, "Overday", and she was forever walking in front of, around, behind, over, and under me ... the walk between my legs routine too, and never once did I consider having her being unlucky. On the contrary, I was the lucky one to have had her for the many years that I did.

I tend to tempt chance and can't help but walk under ladders when I come across them, just to see if anything happens ... nothing has. I think if something did happen, it would only be because I would be checking out the construction worker, window washer, or painter that was distracting my attention.

Breaking mirrors? I can't even count how many vanity mirrors I have dropped over the years ... can't someone make unbreakable ones?

Do you pick up the lone penny for luck? Throw salt over your shoulder? Lift your feet over railroad tracks? Hold your breath as you go past a cemetery?

To me it's just Friday, end of the work week, and the date just happens to be the 13th.

OK, now I think I will cross my fingers and hope this post doesn't bring me bad luck!*wink*

Team Larry

So yea, as I said before, I like Anna.

We can debate all the issues, drugs, sex, poor choices, conspiracies ... greed.

But it all comes down to this baby and her biological father.

With time, let's hope he shows he is also her Daddy.

I wish them all the best and the end of a media circus.

Gut instinct:
Keep Howard and Virgie away from Daddy and daughter.

Records are Breaking

Weeeeee-ha! Today, right here, right now, it is 79 degrees! From what our local weather man says, we have officially broke a record for March 26th in the Detroit area. Which now brings me to my official records that need to be broken.

1. I need to break my record of trying for 3 months to stay on a diet and failing.

2. I need to break my record of trying to work out every day and barely making it to the gym more than three times a week.

3. I need to break my record of having dirty windows since last July!

4. I need to break my record of not reading anything more than tabloid trash on line and get to Borders to pick up a good book.

5. I need to break my record of staying up until after midnight and get myself some eight hours of much needed sleep at night.

6. I need to break my record of really thinking I will do all of the above and get outside to enjoy this beautiful weather ... after all it IS Michigan and we could have a foot of snow by Monday!

*The Secret ~ 'The Secret to You'*

Nice ... I think I will buy the full DVD

Vickie's Secret

I'm just sitting here drinking my morning coffee wearing Caitlin's Hello Kitty slippers, a five pound shocking pink fluffy robe, dripping wet hair, and a mud mask on my face. Oh yea, and a pair of those little magnifying dollar store reading glasses are perched half way down my nose.

As I flipped through the latest Victoria Secret sale catalog, I notice Caitlin has circled something on just about every page. I like her choices. I think to myself, "those" are cute. Mmm, this is sexy. Hey, this is a cool new color, etc. It suddenly dawns on me, Cait is 18, I am 51, there is no way the things she picks out and wears has any business being part of my wardrobe. I start to look closer at these perfectly air brushed models, flawless skin, youthful faces and bodies.

I have a sudden epiphany. I have figured out Victoria's secret. It's the simple fact that you have to be under the age of 28 to be able to wear most things in her catalog. Unless of course, you don't have any mirrors in your house.

Dinner With a Perfect Stranger ...

... An Invitation Worth Considering. That was the title of the play presented at Kensington Church tonight. A performance scripted from the book of the same name, by David Gregory.

Good, a play, I like a break from the usual upbeat, electric, powerful services I find at Kensington. *wink*

The drama team at Kensington is as professional as any local theater company and I am always impressed with their performances. This presentation was awesome. The story takes place in an upscale Italian restaurant with "Nick" answering to an anonymous invitation to dinner. Thinking it is a prank by coworkers or his best friend, he checks it out. When he arrives at the restaurant, he finds himself reluctantly dining with a well groomed, perfectly relaxed man in suit and tie, that introduces himself as Jesus.

Imagine that, an evening with Jesus. Eating fine cuisine, drinking fabulous wine, and playing twenty questions. Nick asked the questions I am sure most of us would have, and without hesitation Jesus answered them. There was the humor that you would expect ... like when Nick first approached the dinner table and asked Jesus if twelve others were missing ... or his request to have Jesus turn his wine into water, by which Jesus asked the waiter for another glass of water for Nick. But of course it was the message of seeking Jesus into our lives that this dinner date was conveying.

I am going to buy the book tomorrow and read it over dinner.

My Sunday Service is Saturday At 5:30

I wasn't raised with any formal religious education. As a little girl, I was the one in the neighborhood that would go to church on Sunday with any family that would take me. Baptist Church with RuthAnn, Lutheran with Gina, Catholic with Patty (I was welcome to go but don't I dare take communion.)

Sure I can still name all the books of the Bible in order, but it was only to earn the glow-in-the-dark cross prize. I memorized verses to accumulate badges for my sash in Pioneer Girls (Baptists answer to Girl Scouts.) And I know the 10 commandments, the "popular" stories from the Bible, and thanks to Christmas being such a big part of commercial America, I knew about Jesus.

But I never "got it."

I always claimed to be agnostic ... a fence rider, just in case I was found unexpectedly at deaths door, I might be able to back peddle and sneak into Heaven at the last minute.

Last fall I begin to go to Kensington Church, a new age type of place. Humongous building, sans steeple, stained glass, crosses, pews, not even a photo of JC himself. But, they do have a great quasi Starbucks on the second floor. I had gone there on and off since they begin their ministry in this area. It seems over the past 10 years, when I have been mentally lost in a direction, I was always drawn to go and listen to their service. The electric guitars, drums, synthesiser and upbeat music reaches out to me more than the dreaded church organ with robed middle aged men and women singing from a hymn book. The skits and plays make the lesson of the series being taught a lot easier to understand and apply to scripture. The delivery from less than perfect pastors in their jeans and Polo's puts everyone on an equal level. This Christian, bible based church has introduced me to an undeniable faith, something I have struggled with for years.

I have always prayed ..."Please God, don't let me get caught skipping class and I swear I won't do it again." "I pray God I am not pregnant, I promise I will get on birth control if you get me out of this one" "Lord, please help me" ....etc, etc, etc ...always a prayer for me, always making a deal with God. The first prayer I think I ever really meant was when my brother was in a coma 16 or so years ago ... I remember really feeling that my prayers were being heard by God. And yes, they were answered. I pray now, daily, and my prayers include more thanks than cries for help.

I will continue to seek just as I did as a little girl, but now I am able to seek with an open heart, mind, and with direction. I see God answering and guiding me.

Oh yea, for those of you reading this that know me, no Hell has not frozen over, my closed mind has just thawed out.