No Cat Fight - A Bonded Alliance

I have quite a few girlfriends.  I have several female soul mates. I am lucky to have found kindred spirits. I have a few long time friendships I consider to be best friends for life.

And then there’s Jane.

Jane, the other woman.

I met Jane several years ago.  The time line is kind of foggy now, but the story of meeting her is crystal clear.

I had been dating someone for almost a year.  There was a physical distance between he and I so for the most part, we only saw each other every other week.  On the weekends my kids were with their dad, I’d drive after work on Friday’s and stay through Sunday afternoon. We’d talk on the phone daily and throughout the evening.

I never suspected a thing … thing being “Jane”.

He was a musician. Moot point because any man can have another woman, but the fact he was in a pretty well know band is what brought him down.  Like most bands, there were fan sites on line.  Open chats, places for comments, fan pages, etc.

He’d always tell me not to read the “crap” women put out there because most were “wanna be girlfriends”.  I understood, and when I read some of the “crap” I let it roll off my confident back. 

One day, when reading a thread, I noticed “Jane” being all territorial over him. The odd thing was, she made a few comments and phrases that were all too familiar to me. She was quoting things that I was certain someone would have to know him personally to repeat.

The nerve of her! I called him out on it and he explained she was some obsessed fan and to ignore her. I watched over that fan site for a few days.  I also watched over his mannerisms. I began to notice things around his home that weren’t “quite right”.  The seeds of a cheater were beginning to bloom.

So me being me … I contacted her.  I felt horrible after our first phone conversation.  Oh he was cheating all right.  He had been in an on going relationship with this woman for over five years.  He was cheating on her with me!

Oh. No. You. Don’t.

Sparing the emotional time Jane went through, I’ll fast forward.  I was hurt for all of about 2 seconds …. then I was PISSED. All these years she had been helping this struggling musician.  Emotionally, financially, physically.  Together, they had made promises, they had hopes and dreams. 

And he? He had a furnished living room, bedroom, and kitchen.  A car, a few guitars, clothes, etc. compliments of her their relationship.

Jane and I had never met … until the morning I picked her up. She didn’t have a key to his home but for whatever stupid reason, he gave me one.  And so it began.  We spent the day together laughing, fuming and bonding and emptying out his home of all the things that belonged to her. Thank goodness I had an extended SUV. How did we fit all that stuff in there?  Probably out of pissed-off, adrenalin fueled, determination. Do not ever underestimate the power of a woman’s bond.

So that’s how Jane and I met.  She is happily married, having just celebrated a 5 year anniversary. To this day we have a bonded friendship that will always be. Love ya Jane!

 

Oh … what ever happened to good ole Ass-Wipe? Who cares?

Jocular and Verity

From Glamour :

Every Woman Should Have:

• One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to (even if you wouldn't) and one who reminds you of how far you've come.
• Enough money within your control to move out and rent a place on your own, even if you never want or need to.
• Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
• A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you're not ashamed to be seen carrying.
• A youth you're content to move beyond.
• A past juicy enough that you're looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
• A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
• One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
• A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
• Eight matching plates, wineglasses with stems and a recipe for a meal that will make your guests feel honored.
• A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.
• A feeling of control over your destiny.
• A skin care regime, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30.
• A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

Every Woman Should Know:

• How to fall in love without losing yourself.
• How you feel about having kids.
• How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
• When to try harder and when to walk away.
• How to kiss a man in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn't like to happen next.
• How to have a good time at a party you'd never choose to attend.
• How to ask for what you want in a way that makes it most likely you'll get it.
• That you can't change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
• That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over.
• What you would and wouldn't do for love or money.
• How to live alone, even if you don't like it.
• Who you can trust, who you can't, and why you shouldn't take it personally.
• Where to go - be it your best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn hidden in the woods - when your soul needs soothing.
• What you can and can't accomplish in a day, a month, and a year.
• Why they say life begins at 30.

From Esquire:

Things A Man Should Not Do After The Age Of 30:

• Use the word party as a verb.
• Shots.
• Body shots.
• Jell-O shots. Especially Jell-O shots.
• Read a book with the words Zen and the Art of in the title.
• Do impressions of Austin Powers characters, especially Dr. Evil.
• Help friends move.
• Ask friends to help you move.
• Crash on a friend's floor or couch.
• Refer to breasts as "chesticles."
• Experiment with facial hair.
• Let your underpants show above your jeans or below your shorts.
• Apply paint to your face for any reason at all.
• Own beer-drinking paraphernalia.
• Own a skull bong.
• Know the names of the current Real World cast.
• Remove your shirt in public--unless there is sand and a large body of water nearby.
• Use the word dude, except when referring to a ranch or a well-dressed Englishman.
• Use the word dawg in a sentence when referring to a friend or, worse, yourself.
• Own a futon.
• Own a beanbag chair.
• Hang art framelessly.
• Hang tapestries.
• Drink malternative beverages.
• Don a puka-bead necklace.
• Google ex-girlfriends.
• Break up with a girlfriend by e-mail.
• Engage in pranks involving airborne food.
• Own a Lava lamp.
• Pool hop.
• Live with someone you don't sleep with.
• Share a hotel room with someone you don't sleep with.
• Play fantasy sports.
• Divide a restaurant bill with a friend in any way other than 50-50.
• Sleep past 10:30.
• Refer to a woman's genitalia as her "nappy dugout."
• Cook exclusively on a George Foreman grill.
• Wear a jersey with the name of a professional athlete on the back.
• Employ any other pickup line besides "Hi, my name is _____. What's yours?"
• Listen to Pink Floyd.
• Use Internet acronyms, especially ROFL and LOL.
• Shave any part of your body except your face.
• Enjoy Jerry Bruckheimer movies.
• Run with the bulls in Pamplona.
• Attend Mardi Gras, Carnival, or Burning Man.
• Own a fish tank.
• Fall asleep in public.
• Call drugs by their street names (e.g., junk, smack, or whitebag).
• Pick a fistfight by thrusting out your neck, flexing, and screaming, "It's go time!"
• See any movie with elves, mutants, wookies, or other nonhuman characters on opening night.