You Had to Be There

This morning, a newscaster was trying to relate a story, through tears, that was funny, but I realized "you had to be there". It made me think of two such stories.

Years ago, my friend Dee recruited me to "spy" on her boyfriend. She was sure he was cheating on her. We waited until dark, drove to his house and parked down the street. We were walking to his house with the intention of hiding until he came home. She needed to see if he arrived alone or not. We were just about to his house when I noticed car lights coming and I knew it was him. As I dove behind the hedge to hide, I yelled to Dee to take cover. I was well hidden, but as he pulled up into the driveway, headlights scanned the front yard during the turn. As if in a spotlight, there stood 5'9" 135 lb. Dee, eyes closed, arms tight to her body, scrunched behind a tree. Nope, not the huge old oak tree, the newly planted, 4' tree with about a 3" trunk. Dee would never make a good Bond Girl.


My other "you had to be there" moment was when I worked for a bank. It was Christmas time and the bank ordered piggy banks to sell. They displayed them on the shelf in front of the tellers, pretty much at eye level. There were hundreds of them. I was sitting at my desk, off to the side of the tellers, when I noticed a good looking guy come in and get in my friend Kathy's line. The bank was busy and every line was full. I picked up the phone and called Kathy.

Me: "Kathy, see that guy sixth from the front in your line? Pull his signature card and see if he's single."

Kathy: "What? Who?"

Me: "The guy in your line, sixth from the front."

Kathy: (way too loud) "I can't see a thing with all these pigs in front of me."

Everyone standing in line looked at each other and started laughing as Kathy back peddled and tried to explain she was referring to the piggy banks. When Mr. 6th got in front of her, he said "Hi, I'm Porky" ... and darn it, he was married.